You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
