Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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