The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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