Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Text me some of your sweat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
