i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
