there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
