At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
