Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
