Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
