One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
