Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
