I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
