my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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