It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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