remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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