Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
