Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
