Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
