i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
