your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
