This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
