Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
