i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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