it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
