I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she smelled like a LAN party
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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