Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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