so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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