We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
