PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
