Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
