I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
