I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
