After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
