Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
