you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
