Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
