i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
