He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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