In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
