I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
