I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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