a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
