there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
