Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
