those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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