thus making me awesome and them whores
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
