it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
