I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didn't shave. On purpose
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
