i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
