Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
